Letting Go

mare & colt

Do everything in love.

1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV

 

Years ago, I owned a beautiful mare named Raza. I bred her to the handsomest stallion I could find and waited expectantly for eleven months for her delivery day.  It came early one spring morning and I assisted her birth, which means I stood off to the side and watched. Everything appeared fine, the birth was normal, all signs were good and before me lay a beautiful bay filly.

Over the next few hours, though, it became clear that not everything was fine. The filly made no attempt to nurse. She was walking, she was approaching mom but not willing or able to latch on and receive the vital colostrum her mother had to offer. Her mother nudged her as a good mother would do.  Her mother kept nudging but it was becoming apparent that the nudging wasn’t budging the filly. I called the vet and we made a bottle.  She wouldn’t latch on to the bottle either. Even if we dribbled the warm milk down her throat she wouldn’t swallow. After several days and many, many nudges and bottles and coaxing, the vet suggested putting the filly down. Failure to thrive, he called it. It happens, he said. We had no choice but to let her go.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, someone we love continues to make bad choices. Choices that harm, choices that endanger, choices that make no sense to the people who stand by helplessly watching. It seems so futile, so tragically wasteful of a life.  And yet, we are unable to enact change. Failure to thrive. It happens.

Letting go is so hard. I knew exactly what would happen when we chose to let go of that filly. She was put to sleep. Letting go of someone who is bent on practicing addictions that can only lead to death leaves one with more questions than answers. What will happen if…..?  What if I had….?  What if I hadn’t….?

Letting go means trusting the outcome to someone far more capable of handling the situation than I am.

I turned my beautiful filly over to the caring hands of my vet. 

I am turning the life of this precious person that I love dearly over into the caring hands of our Father.

I am letting go.

Finally.

Letting go of that filly was an act of love;

letting go of my loved one is an act of love as well.

I am mourning like crazy, this is breaking my heart, but even so, I am letting go – in love.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

 

pic credit:  allposters.com

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