My Endeavors

and he who does not use his endeavors to heal himself is brother to him who commits suicide.

Proverbs 18:9 Message Bible

Wow! These are rather harsh words I think. Harsh enough to convict me of complacency when it comes to my healing. It’s one thing to write posts and build my faith for God to heal me, it’s quite another to determine which endeavors of mine would lend themselves to my healing and which are counter-productive. And to go the one (or fifty) steps further and actually do those endeavors, faithfully and regularly and still do all the other things that make up my life. Wow! I feel lost and overwhelmed. But to see that my lack of using my endeavors (whatever they may be) are tantamount to suicide. That really got my attention.

When I first started into this healing process, I was doing everything I knew to do. Trying the various prescriptions the doctors prescribed, taking the supplements my wellness consultant suggested, exercising, eating healthy healthier, making foods from scratch (even condiments), managing stress, confessing scriptures, reading books on divine healing, reading books on alternative healing, juicing veggies and even growing my own wheatgrass to juice. The list was daunting and time consuming and a financial drain. Totally unsustainable. And it only brought limited, temporary relief. So I quit. All of it.

And while I haven’t been any worse for quitting those things, I haven’t been any better either, for the most part. Somewhere in there though are endeavors that may benefit me and being willing to find a sustainable, helpful compromise between doing everything and doing nothing is certainly better for my healing, so this verse tells me. Funny that while I have been waiting for God go do something, maybe He has been waiting for me to do something. So today, I purpose to make a plan. Pick and choose those things that are affordable, time-wise and money-wise, and leave the rest in God’s hands. As I write this, I question where the time will come from (and the money) but I have to trust that God in His infinite wisdom did not lead me to this verse to condemn me, but to show me a path that He has prepared. Someone smarter than me said that where God guides, He provides. So I gotta have faith and I gotta go exercise. Ugh! Please pray for me.

Loving heavenly Father, where else is there to go except to You. You alone know the path that is right for me. When I think of all the things I have done to bring about my healing, I am overwhelmed and I feel defeated just thinking about starting all that again. Please show me of the “all that” which are the things that will aid in my healing. I simply can’t sustain a shotgun approach. I don’t believe You would have led me to this verse to leave me without direction. As I take the tentative steps I believe are right, would You please steer me as You will? I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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