Practicing My Addiction

 

Now Jesus loved Martha…

John 11:5

 

Hi I’m Diane. I am doaholic.  Like so many other addictions I’ve had, I have applied the 12 Steps to this one.

Step 1 Admitted I am powerless over my addiction – that my live had become unmanageable

Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than my could restore me to sanity

Step 2 Made a decision to turn my will and my live over to the care of God as I understand God

I’m working on Step 4 now.  Please don’t think I’m making light of the 12 Steps or my doing compulsions because I am not. I have come to realize that doing drives me – relentlessly.  It robs me of peace, it robs me of relaxation, it adds to my pain level and keeps me awake at night. As unmanageable as those things are it does something even worse. I keeps me from spending quality time with the ones I love – Jesus and my family.

You probably know the story, Martha is scuttling about fixing and doing and preparing food and Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet doing what Martha deemed as nothing. Martha was irritated and commented to Jesus. Jesus’ response – “Mary has chosen the good part”.  I can’t imagine that setting too well with Martha.

The good news here is that Jesus loved Martha. In spite of her doing, not because of it. She couldn’t  earn the favor of God and neither can I. That is great news. Especially with a body that keeps me from doing all that I would be doing. Yet another blessing that has come from this pain is that I have had to take an honest look at my doing and what I realized is this – I miss the good part when I keep on keeping on doing one more thing. I am learning to say no to myself and others and learning that hanging out with Jesus and family doing what might appear as nothing is really time well spent. I hasn’t been easy. At first, I quit doing things only when my body gave out, then when I tried to quit before my body gave out, I was white knuckling it. I also found out that giving up all caffeine helped tremendously. I am learning to sit and wait on Jesus and I am finding a greater peace and greater comfort than any and all of my doing could have ever produced. And Jesus loves me either way. That’s fantastic news!

Jesus, I am loving how You are teaching me to sit and be still and lay aside the doing. You know it hasn’t been easy for me and You know that I probably wouldn’t have come to this place where I am now had pain not driven me. I know You didn’t give me the pain, but I see that You are indeed able to use it for my good and Your glory. Thank You for loving the mess that I am and gently, patiently cleaning me up. You are the good part, the only good part and I am so grateful to You.  When I want to return to my old ways, please gently remind me to stop, to choose the good part and spend time with You and the ones You have put in my life. In Your name, I pray. Amen.

 

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