Is It Morning Already?!

O satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14

I’ll be honest, mornings are rough on me. Pain is most intense in the first few hours of my day and when I get up I immediately start looking for something that will satisfy me, make me feel better. I think caffeine, turning off the alarm and calling in sick, some sweet food or some magic pill …  None of those satisfy, none make me feel better. It’s not just physical pain, there is a lot of emotional pain that goes with chronic pain. I want freedom from the pain; I want satisfaction and it seems to elude me.

I know of nothing but God that can truly satisfy me and yet on mornings when the pain is so intense, I find it hard to turn to Him. Why is that? At some level, am I holding Him responsible for the pain I feel? Why is it so much easier to turn to other things that only offer temporary satisfaction at best? It’s not a new problem and certainly not limited to me. So how do I find satisfaction in Him?

One step at a time. One moment at a time. I can turn off the TV or get off of Facebook and spend a few moments in His word, listening to His heart, trying to get to know Him the way I did when my husband and I first started dating and I wanted to get to know him. If I am holding Him responsible for the pain I feel, I need to be honest with myself and Him. It’s not like I’m hiding that from Him anyway. I know that I will desire what I fill up on. If it is His word, at some point, I will desire His word more than those other things that don’t satisfy. I know that and yet…

Jesus, how I long for that verse to be true of me, that I am satisfied with Your steadfast love in the morning. I long to rejoice and be glad all my days, not just put on a brave front or tell myself it doesn’t matter, I’m ok, when I’m not. I want to be ok and more than that I want to be satisfied with Your love. Help me to make time to spend with you, to be honest with You about my feelings and forgive me for the countless times I have tried to find satisfaction from other sources while You stood silently by, patiently waiting and wooing me back to Your open arms. In Your blessed name, I pray. Amen.

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