Despicable Me


A while back, I was at the library with lots of time to kill.  I grabbed a stack of books and found a chair that was back in a corner overlooking a woody area outside the window.  It looked like a great place to sit and read and be left alone.  It was all that until a couple of women came and sat at the table behind me and were talking, not loudly, per se, but not whispering either.  I was annoyed but tried to keep reading.  A short while later, one came over to me and asked if would watch their computers for a few minutes.  Wow!  I was really annoyed now and didn’t try to hide it from her.  But, I said I would.

I turned my chair around so I could watch their computers and they went on their way.  I didn’t feel I could read my book and watch computers at the same time, so my book had to wait.  I was thinking I could have done this at home.  Sat down to read a book and been interrupted in only a few moments.  They weren’t gone long, just under 10 minutes, maybe.  When she returned to thank me, she was so sweet and so grateful and I said, it was no problem and meant it sincerely.  So what changed my attitude?

Right after they left me with their computers, I looked down at the book I was reading.  I don’t remember the title – but it was an exhortation to live the truth of the gospel – to fully surrender our lives to Jesus and let go of our desire and need to control our lives.  Busted!  How easily I can think my agenda is so important to the exclusion of any one else’s needs/wants/ desires.  So much so that a simple favor requested by a stranger got me miffed.  Ugh!

I know me.  All too well.  I know the times I’d rather not be bothered by people, even those I love, the times I want what I want and want it now.  I know the times I have fallen short of my expectations and God’s hopes.  I know that basically, I am self-centered and hard to move off of that center.

God knows me too.  He loves me, this I know.  Despicable, though I may be at times.  And He forgives me.

I wonder though if one reason my healing is a process, instead of instantaneous one, is because when I am healed, He knows I may not use my healed legs to go out of my way for somebody I don’t know.  Maybe, just maybe, the inner work He desires to do in me has more eternal benefits than the external work I would rather He did.  Maybe the bigger part of healing me begins with my heart, not my body.

Have Your way in me, repair, heal, fix what’s wrong with me so that I am useful for Your purposes.  I trust that You know best what areas of my life, my body, my thinking need healing and You alone are capable of the triage decisions of picking the starting point.  Forgive me for all the times I have overlooked, ignored, been resentful of someone around me who intrudes on my bubble with their needs and help me to be moved with the compassion that moved You.  In Your name Jesus, I pray. Amen.


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