I woke up the other morning in a terrible funk. It was 1 am and I had difficulty returning to sleep. The problem was severe pain in my left hand. Enough pain to nauseate me and keep me awake and cause me once again to question divine healing. I have been reading a book entitled “You Can Be Healed – How to Believe God for Your Healing” by Billy Joe Daugherty. He was our pastor in Tulsa for five years. I loved him and loved that church. The problem in those early morning hours was one that had been darting in and out of my mind for days. One of the last chapters in the book is called “How to Live Longer”. He wrote about Psalm 90:10 which says’ “The days of our lives are seventy years; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years” and numerous other verses that promise long life. He talked about making our words line up with the Word of God and building our faith and such. He wrote about how death is our giving up our breath, not succumbing to disease that takes us out early. All good stuff. All Biblical stuff. The stumbling block to me that week and that early am was just this…. Pastor Billy Joe died before he was 60 of cancer.
As I lay there that morning my thoughts ran like this – if God didn’t heal him, a pastor, who devoted his life to ministering to people, ushering countless thousands of people into the kingdom of God and witnessing miracles of healing too numerous to count, then what chance did I have of being healed? I am a homemaker, a mother, a wife, a grandmother. My greatest success in a day is getting dinner done and not leaving the kitchen totally trashed. And some days even that doesn’t happen.
I continued along in this line of thought no doubt because of pain and low serotonin until I started building a case against me being able to receive healing from God. But when I got out of bed that morning I opened my devotional and read this verse: Romans 8:32 -He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
I gotta say it brought me to my knees and to my senses. God is not holding back on me. I can’t answer why I still have so much pain when I believe (most of the time) for my healing. And I can’t answer why Pastor Billy Joe died before 60 but I do know that I can choose to look at the stumbling blocks that cause me to doubt or I can look at the promises God gave me in His Word. But I can’t do both. The choice is mine.
In Deuteronomy, the people of God are given the choice of choosing life or choosing death. Seems like a no brainer, but God knew it wasn’t. He gave the answer, choose life. “This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live”
Looking at the unhealed, cataloging the pain, listing evidences that would tell me that God doesn’t heal today or won’t heal today is choosing death. Looking at the promises of God is choosing life and the choice is mine. Today, I choose life. Among the first words Pastor Billy Joe’s wife Sharon said publicly after his death were words spoken in connection with diving healing. She said, “I still believe”.
In spite of the pain that would tell me otherwise, I too, still believe.
Father forgive me for doubting Your goodness and Your willingness to give me all things? Even healing. You didn’t hold back Your own son and You are not holding back on me now. Help me to look beyond the stumbling blocks and the unanswered questions so that I can fix my faith on You and goodness. Amen.
- Is the Great Physician Still in the Business of Healing? (thegreatphysicianisin.wordpress.com)
- Happy Hour (devomom.wordpress.com)