Secondary Barrenness

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Our first attempt at having a child ended in miscarriage.   This was 1995.  It was a devastating loss and as I lay on the sofa one day healing, the Holy Spirit said, “Get up and go to ORU”.   We lived in Tulsa at the time just about a mile from Oral Roberts University and so I got up and made the drive.

Once there, having no further instructions, I went to the gift store.  There was no one there.  I walked around looking at the items for sale and wondered what my next move was to be.  Shortly, a young woman came in and asked if I would be there long.  I said, “I don’t know, the Holy Spirit just told me to come, that’s all I know”.  I told her about the miscarriage and she offered to pray for me.

While praying, she received this word for me, for us.  She said there would be a son, that he would instruct others, even his parents, in the things of God.   She hesitated and then added that his name would begin with the letter J.  She wrote all this out for me. I thanked her and went back home.  I told Bruce all about this except I didn’t tell him the part about his name starting with the letter J.  That would be too easy for us to manipulate and I wanted to see how God was going to bring this to pass.

Time went by and no conception.  Months, in fact went by.  It might not have been such a big deal except that I was now in my early 40’s and I had heard about the biological clock and realized mine was ticking away.

I found a wonderful book I wish I could remember the name of and it was full of scriptures to stand on when believing for a child.  So I began confessing them daily.

Still the months went by and nothing.   But then, the amazing thing happened, I was pregnant again.  This time, however, the pregnancy ended when my fallopian tube ruptured.  I didn’t know this is what happened and when I called my doctor and explained my symptoms, she said it was probably the flu, go home and rest.  So I did.  The pain throughout that night was unbelievable; no flu had ever been so painful.  When I finally reached my doctor that morning, she said to come in and when I did, she took one look at me and called the ambulance.  Apparently, I had been bleeding internally for almost 24 hours.

Necessary surgery was done and the surgeon who was half my age, questioned my decision to continue trying to have a child.  I questioned my decision as did Bruce.  Family members questioned the decision also, I know this because they said things like – are you seriously going to keep trying this when you could lose your life?

After months of healing, I went to a new doctor to get the go ahead to try again.  When he had completed his exam, he told me that he doubted seriously that I would ever conceive again but if I did, I would never carry a child full term.  Secondary barrenness, he called it.  A woman who has had a child or children but who wants more and can’t conceive or carry full term is said to have secondary barrenness.

A big problem with secondary barrenness is that is doesn’t line up with the word of God.

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table.

Psalm 128:3

There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days.

Exodus 23:26

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward. 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one’s youth. 

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;

They will not be ashamed

When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127: 3-5

While I have three daughters from a previous marriage, Bruce did not have children and wanted a child of his own.  This left us unsure of what to do – continue to try and have a child or accept the diagnosis from the doctor and move on.

One day, while on a road trip, we were listening to Joyce Meyer teach on how to hear the voice of God.  She made the comment that out of the mouth of two or three witnesses a matter is confirmed.  I realized we only had two witnesses – the word of God and the woman at ORU.  I silently prayed that God would give us that third witness.

When we got home, Bruce went to take a shower.  He came out all excited and said, “I think I just heard the voice of God!”.  I asked what God said and Bruce said, “He said, ‘Go to church'”.  It was Sunday night and we made it there just in time for the service to start.  By the time the service was over, we were both a little confused.  While it had been a good service, nothing stood out to us.  Why did God tell us to go to church?

Right as we were being dismissed, our pastor asked everyone to find someone they didn’t know and pray for them.  A man sitting several seats over from us joined us and as we were praying. He said I think God wants me to pray for your children.  He asked if we had children and we explained that I had children but Bruce did not.  He said I think God wants me to pray for your children looking at me.  I knew that wasn’t what God said, but I would never turn down prayer for my kids.  After he started praying though, he stopped and said, no, that isn’t what God said.

“Do you two want children?”  he asked.  I wasn’t sure how to answer but I looked over at Bruce who was nodding his head up and down.  Tears were streaming down his face.

Yes, we want a child.

The man said, “God is saying that even at this late date, there will be a child.  He is blessing this union”.

Awesome, we had our third witness; the matter was confirmed.

I thought I would get pregnant immediately, but I didn’t.  It was hard at times to keep believing.  I could relate to Sarah telling Abraham  to go get a child some other way.  But we had God’s word and the other witnesses and we continued to believe.

One day a visiting teacher was at the Bible school I was attending.  He was teaching on the passage about the woman going to the judge and demanding justice because her adversary had stolen from her two times.  The judge heard her case and brought about justice on her behalf.

It was a rhema word to me, it resonated through me like lightning.  I had been stolen from twice and I wanted justice.  Right then, right there, I knew that I knew that I knew, our son was on his way.

Sure enough, less than a week later, I had the telltale sign of pregnancy – heartburn.  Nine months later, our beautiful son John was born.  This was 1999.

mother

Oh yeah, here’s how he got his name, the name that started with the letter J.  Shortly before he was due, we began discussing names.  I told Bruce that since I had been a part of naming three children that I would be honored if he would name this child.  At this point, we knew we were having a boy.

He thought about it for days and told me he wanted to name him Robert after his grandfather and John after a good friend. Robert John.  I knew this wasn’t the name but I keep silent and prayed.  About a week later he told me that he wanted to change his name to John Robert.  I kept silent for another week (this was not easy for me) just to be sure he was decided.  When he said he was sure, I showed him the words the woman had written down for us, words telling us about our son whose name would start with the letter J.

John is fourteen now (where did the time go) and he does indeed instruct us in the things of God.  What a blessing he is to us.

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12 Comments

  1. I am soooooooooooo grateful for your post, how timely for me!! I have 3 sons who are 17, 14, and 10. 13 years ago I prayed to have a little girl and God has confirmed his word to me that I would indeed have a daughter, it has been a long road and difficult at some points but God has always brought me through, I am so encouraged that what God spoke to you came to pass as He said it would and I know I God will bring His word to pass in my life, I may still be waiting but I know that God is faithful! Thank you for your post. God is so good!

    Like

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